authentically real.

Thursday, May 28, 2015

“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” 

― Brené BrownThe Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

I recently began reading The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown. It came recommended from a very trusted friend, who was actually sharing it with another friend who is walking through a series of difficult situations. Being in between books, I quickly downloaded it and began reading. Devouring the words that spilled off the pages. Feeling a rush that I was meant deeply to read this book. Past ideas began to flood my brain. Along with beginning to read this book, there has also been a series moments that I have pushed away; ideas of writing honestly about real life.  God had made is so clear that I needed to put "words on paper", but not clear where to start. While reading Mark Batterson's book The Circle Maker, I was encouraged again to put "words on paper", but reminded of my fears. My fear of failing, not being enough, not being heard or seen, and being rejected. In the end he poses one simple question, does that matter? If God calls us to do something, we do it, no matter if it is ever read or seen or experienced by another person. Obedience.

My heart and soul desire to be completely and utterly transparent, real and vulnerable. The obstacles in my way are the fears I have and the walls I put up. As a pastors wife, I am guarded. As a friend, I am open. But where is my ministry within my walls? Naturally there is purpose in caution. There is wisdom in guarding. But in understanding that living authentically means being more open in all areas, my heart is being to warped and change. Even now I struggle with the power of my voice. So, I push my fears aside and write.

My heart wants to practice greater compassion, courage, and connection. In a deep and healthy way. A way to show others what life can be like. What life would look like if we have a beautiful, authentic, healthy relationship with one another. Embrace the real life that is happening so that we can encourage and care for one another deeply.

Here begins my attempt at these things.
Here is my brave. 
Here is my courage. 
Here is my authenticity.

I want, need, and desire to blog with consistency and real-ness. Not because I have too, but because I want to love well, encourage deeply, and be completely transparent in God's grace and mercy towards me.

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