they made me real.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

my heart has forever been changed.  adoption has changed it deeply.  it has wrecked me completely.  these two beautiful lives that have joined our crew have completely changed me.  i am so thankful beyond words for that.  i am glad that i am not the same.

they made me real.
they made me see jesus differently.
they made me understand my faith.
they made me know myself.
they made my hurts become exposed.

adoption is change.  lots of change.  not all of it is good, but most of it has been good for us.  it has been a beautiful thing for our family.  hard of course.  but good too.  we have not talked a ton with the kids about our haitian adoption, but tonight something changed.

all four kids wanted to know a little bit about haiti after they sat and discussed what they should name their new sister.

we started our haitian search by watching audio adrenaline's song Kings & Queens which had so much meaning when they first came home.  both the boys would climb up into my lap, not being able to speak very much english, and watch this video over and over and over.  tonight, levi sat on my lap asking questions about haiti.  all four kiddos gathered around the computer.  talking to one another. dreaming of their sister.  talking names.  the happenings of haiti.  the earthquake they saw pictures of on the screen.  the beauty of the country.  their sister became real to them tonight.  it may have been one of the most amazing things i have ever experienced.

she became real... yet still a dream.
she became a pursuit... yet it seems like it is far off.
she became apart of our family... yet she does not know us yet.
one thing i know for sure... she is a child of God.
and for that i prayed today in the carpool line.  i prayed for her heart.  for her heart to heal.  for her heart to already to start to connect.  to become apart of yet another family.

the adoption process is so slow.  but we are moving.  trusting that God has our daughter held close.  knowing that there is hope in this crazy insane plan God has for our lives.  in it simplicity... the idea of her waiting for us became real tonight.



  1. Love your blog but your font size and colour are very hard to read.

    1. thank you so much for letting me know. i am working on changing that.

    2. okay... i think i have temporary fix. let me know what you think.


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