what i learned about sovereignty.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

last night i lay awake.
trying desperately to drift off into sleep.
but sleep evaded me.
for hours.
so what else could i do but pray.

today my littles all started school  they embark on a journey that will only last this year.  the only time they will be at the same school together.  but this new adventure brought a ton of fears that weighed heavily and deeply... robbing me of my sleep.

here is what today marked.
1. yet another school for ash.
2. both older kids switching classes.
3. the longest levi has been without todd or myself.  ever.  in 19 months.
4. the longest ty has been without todd or myself.  ever.  in 19 months.
(they have always been with one of us).
5. the first time the younger two has ever gone to school.
6. teacher conversations before the year begins.

so in bed i lay.  anxious hearts.  clothes laid out.  bags packed.  lunches ready.  levi so fearful that he has been sleeping with us for the past 5 nights.  prayers of a nervous mom that flowed for hours.  i am not sure if i have ever prayed for all four of my children with such desperation.  with such passion.  but something stuck deeply inside my heart as i prayed.  God is sovereign.  he is sovereign no matter what.  God will take care of my kiddos with or without me there.  but i need to give them to chance to see God be there, while i am not.

and today.  they did.  each of them.

levi came running up to me when he was done with school and jumped into my arms.  he never left my side for the entire day.  he went to a meeting with me.  laid on me.  made sure he was close to me.  it was so precious.  at the end of the day when i told him that i loved that he ran and jumped into my arms, he told me he wanted to do it again tomorrow.  then he asked to practice.  so we did.

jesus wins.

titus rocked school today.  seriously.  teacher said he was attentive.  that he was the most respectful child she had met.  that he helped diligently in class.  that he asked questions.  that he defended a boy who was bullied.  (ty said a boy was being mean to another little boy.  the little boys feelings got really hurt and the bully would not stop.  ty stood between them and told the bully he needed to be nice and apologize because they aren't supposed to hurt each others feelings.)  the teacher mentioned because of ty's size (he's big), the bully listened to him.  ty ran out.  hugged me & his dad & told us all about his day.  showed us his school work.  told us what he learned and about how he got lost in the hallway after going to the bathroom.  he cannot wait for tomorrow.

jesus wins.

jeremy got to school, gave us a hug, said goodbye to his brothers and was off.  he knew not a soul on that campus other than his siblings and a few younger kids from church.  but he went determined.  he said he was the only person who brought in a book so he didn't get to read.  he said his teacher is amazing.  that his science teacher seems fun.  that he met some friends.  that he gets to dress up in harry potter clothing for a picture his teacher is going to take of him.  we finished out the night reading together.  he is such an amazing reader.  i am so proud of his ability to adapt.  to make friends.  to learn and grow.  and be passionate about education.  i had to write 4 words that described him tonight.  creative.  smart.  authentic.  passionate.

jesus wins.

ash.  oh my sweet ash.  she adventured a little more hesitantly than jeremy.  she saw her teacher and went and said hi.  asked where they should line up.  and with a hug she was gone.  but tonight as we talked about school, she said simply this: "mom it is the first new school i have gone to that i didn't sit on the swings during recess.  i actually made friends."

jesus wins.

"the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His." 2 chronicles 16:9a

"the Lord has established His throne in the heavens, and His sovereignty rules over all." psalm 103:9

God rules with sovereignty.  his power.  his might.  and it is his rightful place as creator and ruler.  i did not understand that until today.  not the concept of what a sovereign God is, but a practical application on my most precious "possessions".  by no means should my children have been able to accomplish today.  but God is sovereign.  sovereignty came in the form of grace and transpired into a beautiful example to me about how He is the controller of their lives and of their destinies.  not me (obviously.  but i like to think i do.)  by no means should my two youngest children have had a great first day.  something should have gone awry.  not likely at school (although these two never had a honeymoon period, so they are as real as they come), but at home.  but that is not what happened.  they clung in a beautiful way to me tonight.  lot of hugs.  lots of excitement for tomorrow.  lot of non-verbal needs by way of hugs and kisses.  lots and lots of grace, love and hope (thanks dad for showing up right now in this moment.  hope was my dad's word.  as i typed it, i saw his smile and his nod of approval.)

tomorrow... i pray you are the same for these four sweet faces.  i pray that school continues to feel safe for our children.  that they continue in their honest feelings.  that they make friends.  show people jesus.  learn.  focus.  grow.  and have fun.  all the while remaining true to what God's word teaches them about grace, mercy, love, & obedience.

as i hugged and prayed for ty tonight, he hugged me tight and told me he missed me so much today.  all i could do was choke back tears (when i cry it scares him) and tell him for the millionth time today i missed him so much and i cannot wait for a big hug from him when he gets home from school tomorrow.  

my beautiful children.  grades K, 1st, 4th, & 6th.


  1. Summer, these are such beautiful, powerful thoughts. Thank you for sharing your journey so poignantly and reminding us of the goodness and greatness of God. Love you and am praying for your sweet kiddos.

    1. tracy... thank you for praying for my littles. they are so precious BUT God is the protector of those precious things.


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