we all have a story. GOD IS HEALER!

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

{me to titus}: hey buddy.  how can i pray for you tonight?
{titus}: mom.  sometimes i fall asleep & dream about mama mbuyi & papa beya.  and i get so excited.  and then i wake up and realize it isn't real.  and then i get really really sad.  sometimes i just have to cry.
{me}: oh ty. (yep… i start crying at this point, but he cannot see me b/c its dark in his room.)  you are so brave to tell me that.  that is really sad when we wake up from a dream we really want huh?  if you really did see them, what would you do.
{t}: i would cry.
{me}: i bet. {pause}  you would be so happy if you saw them huh?  what else would  you do?
{t}: i would hug them & then tell them to come meet my new mom and dad.  mom.  wouldn't it be great if we could all live together.
{me}: uhmmm.  YES.  what if they have their own room.  and you have yours.  and levi, ash & j have theirs.  wouldn't that be great?
{t}: yes.  (sigh).  mom how many people in our family?
{me}: 8.
{t}: yes.
{me}: mama mbuyi.  papa beya.  me.  daddy.  titus.  levi.  ash.  jt.  four parents.  four kids.  kind of perfect huh?
{t}: yes.  i'm so glad we have eight people.

loss is hard.  it is hard to grasp.  it is hard to deal with.  it is so beyond hard for me.  i laid down next to titus tonight as we had this long (there was more) conversation about loss.  his loss.  tears rolled down my face.  tears filled his eyes.  i stroked his hair & sweet face.  he opened up his hurts and his heart.  and i was selfish.  i cried tears that hurt me so bad.

i lost my dad.
i was 31.
i thought i was going to never move on.
he is 6.
he lost his parents by the time he was 5.
how the heck does he do it?

he tells me his story.

i rarely talk about my dad.
he talks about his mom so much.

i hurt when i talk about my dad.
he smiles when he remembers his dad.

i block my pain.
he reveals his.

he seems so much further along in his story.
i feel left in the dust.
and right now.  i am okay with that.
i would rather see his healing.
i would rather see God radically show this little guy himself.
it has been my prayer for a LONG time.

i am a reader.  a BIG reader.  i love to fill my brain with beautiful words.  amazing concepts.  gracious wonderful words written by amazing believers who chose to share their hearts & their stories. (and some words just for fun of course).  todd recently told me i need to read a book that he stumbled upon (immmmmmm….. i ALWAYS try to get todd to read.  so when he says read.  i read).  and holy crap!  i am so glad i did.  todd recommended TELL ME A STORY by scott mcclellan.  i was a bit skeptical.  todd isn't a reader of my "kind of book".  BUT… this time he was.

as titus told me a story tonight.  i recalled, yet again… as i have every time in the last 18 months, that a story is healing.  "story is so much bigger than just what we want.  story helps us see beyond ourselves to the forward momentum of our father's world, his kingdom, and our place in it." page 30

because our story is bigger than us.  it is so much bigger than us.  we have a story that is outlined before us.  and it amazes me beyond belief.  "what if we are who God says we are?  what if he knit each of us together and ordained all our days (psalm 139)?  what if he loved us so much he sent Jesus to save us into new life?  what if he directs our steps and makes out a race for us (hebrews 12:1)?  if that's true, then thats the outline of your story.  this outline is at the foundation of who you are and who i am.  the better we understand the story of God and man in the Bible, the better we'll understand our basic identities." page 38

we are who God says we are.  we are wonderfully made (the first verse i taught my boys).  we are created beautifully.  wonderfully.  for a purpose.  {what is your purpose?} he did send Jesus.  our boys spent their first day of sunday school without me this past sunday (ash was in there with them.  so it's kind of like mom was there.  but i really wasn't.)  in class.  they both came home with little door signs that said "Jesus is God's Son".  both could tell me what it said.  both have it hanging from their doors into their rooms.  God sent his Son to be our REDEMPTION (that is the most beautiful word ever).  redemption.  redemption.  redemption.

the word redemption comes from the latin word redimere (to buy back), or redemptio… redeem.  the df: action of saving or being saved from sin, error, or evil.  

it is an action.  the action of saving.  the redemption of God sending his son… it was an action.  it save us.

it is a story.  so ty told me a very little piece of his story tonight.  he told me of his hurts.  his desires.  he made me want to keep listening (but it isn't a hollywood need… it it because he wants someone to know.  someone to listen.  someone to understand).  but you know what?  his story.  it is healing his brain.  it is mending his hurts.  it is REDEEMING his heart.  

our stories.  they heal.  they help.  in truth.  not in a small piece of our story.  but in an entire TRUTH.  that is the key.  if we are truthful about our stories… they heal us.  if we are honest & share with our stories… they help others to face their own stories & allow God to heal them.  they open up truth for others.  for others to be truthful to themselves.  tonight.  ty encourage me.  he encouraged me to remember what i have been teaching him since the moment that he came home and reminded me of the power in our stories.

my story matters.
(his) story matters.
my honesty heals me.
(his) honesty heals his heart.
i am created to be precious.
(he) is created precious. how do i help him to remember this forever?
i have great things ahead because of Jesus.
(he) is made for great things.
i am always in the process of healing.
(he) is healing.  
God is my ultimate story.
God is (his) ultimate story.  

God is his healer.

my story is different than titus's story.  my story is different than yours.  but it is still my story.  just as titus's story is HIS story.  BUT in all cases… yours, mine, titus's… it is a story that God is writing.  it is a story he knows.  it is a story that matters.  that is important.  

{what's  your story?}

1 comment:

  1. I wish I knew my story. I know my mom was Mayan and my dad was unknown, although there are rumors. My adoptive parents are long gone and they never shared much with me. But, I thank God for how He's working His plans in my life. Love this Sum. God brought these boys into your life for a reason and you are doing a great job loving and nurturing them. God continue to bless your family.


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