beautiful MESS.

Friday, April 19, 2013

so many times, my heart breaks for my sons.  not simply my beautiful sons born in a land that is scorched from the sun, but also the son who was born in a clean, nice hospital in so. california.  my heart breaks for my daughter, who is one of the strongest, most courages girls i have ever known.  i long for the two babies i birthed to remember the things that i have taught them.  i deeply wish the sons who grew for years in my heart, would not have witnessed the travesty that they have seen at such a young age.  i wish they would have NEVER seen it {if i am being honest}.  however, in the grand scheme of things, i know that God is working in the lives of all four of my babies.  he is making all things beautiful.  i can see it because i am able to see the beauty in the pain.

Jesus WINS.
redemptions is hard.

so where does my ache for my 4 kiddos come from?  {so glad you asked}.  why do i continue to hurt after being home for 10 weeks?  why am i exhausted at 8:30 every night?  the answer is simply.

redemption comes at a cost.

when we adopted our boys, it was not merely the rescue of two little lives who lived on the streets in the middle of DRCongo.  it is bigger than that.  it is about the gospel.  friends... it is about Jesus; and about nothing else.  the redemption of the hurting child is HARD.  it is heart breaking.  it is painful.  it comes with scars.  bruises. (& if you don't believe me... i'll show you mine).  it comes with looks that we do not understand.  with judgement from others that tell us, "you did this to yourself".

redemption hurts.
it costs.
it stems for grieve & loss.
it bleeds.
it's bruised.
it cries.
it rejoices.

adoption mirrors the gospel.  it mirrors the sacrifice.  the hurt.  the pain.  the cost.  the rescue.  and the redemption.  adoption has made me LOVE my Jesus so much more.  it has made me need my Jesus so much more.  it has allowed me to see my ugly  & the reality that God STILL chooses me.

tomorrow i will take whatever God wants me too... i will choose the ugly if need be.  but tonight.  tonight... i was blessed with the beautiful.  my older two remembering the gospel & the sacrifice of their Jesus & remembering that they need to love their brothers.  & it was the beautiful blessings of my younger two being silly little boys.  they forget to do that sometimes.  tonight.  they didn't.  thank you Jesus.


  1. i always love reading your updates summer. they are in encouragement and an inspiration to me. thank you for sharing your heart and for reminding us of the gospel and how it works in our lives.

  2. All of it so beautiful! I pray God strengthens and brings you joy on this road of redemption.

  3. I agree and I feel sure that as you walk knee deep in the hard and the beautiful, that you will walk closer and closer to Jesus! What a reward that is! I love to hear bits of your story. It helps us along the way as our adoption story is still in it's infancy.


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