heartbreak & love

Saturday, October 13, 2012

two years ago today i have no idea what i was doing. 
i have no clue what even a moment of that day look like.
i can venture to guess what i did.
i likely took my kids to school.
did homework with them.
i probably watched a little tv.
probably read a book.
i had no idea that 2 years ago today my life changed.
it changed in a moment that no one really noticed.
but for the last 5 months, today has been burned into my mind.
i cannot explain it.
not many noticed then, but more will notice now.

but two very important people in my life did take notice.
it was the moment that my sons lost their birth mom.
the moment that their little hearts hurt.
knowing a loss that was indescribable.
a heartbreak that cannot really be comprehended by most.
a moment that shaped the next part of their lives.
a tragic moment that lead me to be their mom.

today we are choosing to honor a woman we have never met.
a woman we hope and pray knew Jesus.
the woman who gave me my sons.
we are so beyond excited to have our boys home.  we are excited to have two more boys running around.  craziness ensuing our home.  but really, the tragedy is was initially lead us to be a family.  the tragic moment that Mbuyi passed away and the domino of events that took place for the next year & a half.  to the beautiful woman who gave me my sons.  i have no clue where to even start.  these two sweet boys are so precious to me.  i am honored to be their mom.  privileged to call them my sons.  but really, they were your sons before they were mine.  you held them first.  kissed them first.  loved them first.  and while they will soon call me "mommy", your role in their life will always be honored.  cherished & treasured.

i wish i had a picture of you.  to simply see you.  {for my own selfish benefit}.  you have got to be a beautiful woman.  to have such beautiful babies.  i would ask you so many questions about yourself had i been given the opportunity.  i would want to tell you how much i love them.  i will always to love.  i choose to love them.  i will do my best to raise them to honor & love Jesus.  to be respectful.  to have compassion.  to have a passion for those that are around them.  those that are hurting.  to be strong men who make a change in the world.

because words never seem to be enough, i simply say thank you for my sweet babies.  their dad cannot wait to hug and love on them.  their brother and sister cannot wait for them to come home & play all sorts of stuff (i have no idea what these two have planned, but it will be great). i cannot wait to love on them, snuggle, giggle, & simply be the family of 6 that God had planned long before i knew there would ever be a family of 6.

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