Tuesday, August 28, 2012

i was left in awe.
struck with a harsh reality.
a thought really.
something i had no idea i was thinking.
subconsciously i was hurting.

but God changed that.
almost in an instant.
in a moment.
because i let go.

my life, in relation to my relationship with Christ often is getting molded.  changed. transformed. into something more amazing.  because that's what He does.  he being God.  he takes our failures, flaws, struggles, trials & changes them.  molds them.  making us into what he desires for us to be.

our adoption has allowed a number of hurtful things to come into our lives.  you know the things.  the ugly truths that people really feel.  giving their opinion where they really shouldn't.  we have heard it all.  BUT GOD (two of the greatest words when put together) has healed a little bit of that in an instant. 

over the last few weeks we have waiting for a judge in the congo to sign a piece of paper.  making it official that the boys are ours.  not simply ours in our hearts (they already are that), but ours for reals.  on paper.  i had pleaded.  begged.  cried.  screamed.  and to no avail.  14 weeks later, the judge still hasn't signed our paperwork.  BUT GOD revealed to me the reason for my constant need to have them home.  for the counting down of days i had no idea i was counting down too. 

you see... i wanted our boys home before a specific event happened.  i wanted it because i thought it would make them more accepted by our family who struggles with our adoption.  i desired it because i thought it would make it easier on the boys.  simply put, i wanted it.  BUT GOD gave me clarity.  it doesn't matter when they come home.  it doesn't matter what others think.  it simply matters what God thinks... what our little family of 6 thinks.  other than that, a few weeks later than we thought, a few months later than we thought, it doesn't matter.  bringing those sweet boys home is our blessing. 

those that do not understand our adoption, who never will meet our sweet boys, will be the ones that are at a loss.  they will be the ones who, in the end, lose out on something beautiful.  our boys.  because i believe that our boys... they will change the hearts of those they touch.  i believe they will do amazing things. 

they have already changed my heart.
they have already touched my life.
they have made me a better mom.
they have made me a better prayer warrior.
they have given me hope.
they have done these things, because God has done these things in my life and my heart through the process of adopting them.  we simply said 'yes' to God with adopting these two... & he did the rest.  he did the changing.  the molding.  the transforming.  through these two little men who we have never met.  never held.  never kissed. 

boys.  we are coming.  we are praying & prepping for soon.  but know that God in all his goodness... will bring us together in perfect timing.

signature of "the paper".
the boys health & heart (we recently got an update that they are doing great).
fundraising... need ideas.  need help.


  1. thanks ash. really appreciate it. is was a hard reality to come too... but i am so glad i was able to see the error in my thinking.

  2. Praying for you guys. Your boys are going to be so lucky to have you and todd as their parents and your kids as their siblings too.


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