with every ding.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

with every ding of my email.
with every vibration of my phone.
with every call i receive.

i jump.
i think... this is it.
i have our referral.
the time has come.
its here.

but i soon realize that this isn't the case.
no referral.
no email from ALBB (a love beyond borders).
my heart used to get sad.
i sometimes would cry.
often i would have a pity party.

but something changed.
something was radically changed.
my faith.
my hope.
my prayer.
my desire.

here is what i read by sarah young from Jesus Calling:
 "come to me with empty hand and an open heart, ready to receive abundant blessing.  i know the depth and breadth of your neediness.  your life-path has been difficult, draining you of strength.  come to me for nurture.  let me fill you up with my presence: i in you and you in me.  My power flows most freely into weak ones aware of their need for me.  falter steps of dependence are not lack of faith; they are links to my presence.  

isaiah 40:29-31:  he gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

in that moment, after reading the april 27th entry.  i wept.  repented.  thank God.  and chose a different attitude in my waiting.  God alone is preparing the perfect little guys for us.  maybe they are not yet known by our agency and so we needed to wait.  wait and see who those little lives will be.  wait and see which two little lives will forever change our family.  but we wait with the confidence that God will give us the strength because we are waiting with our empty hands facing him, waiting for him to pour down on us his abundant blessings... our boys... in his time.  all our kids are his anyway.  so we wait.  arms high.  heart abandoned.

yes i still ache for the boys.
i still long to see their pictures in my inbox.
hurting is part of the journey.
waiting is part of the journey.
so what more can i do... but trust in my hurting & waiting.
because God allows that strength to be in my life.

a map of the DRC





3 comments:

  1. What a beautiful passage. And what a beautiful testimony of how God is working in your life. Continued hugs and prayers, Summer.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you gloria. your email to me was the beginning of my attitude change. the verse you sent to me was the start of my perspective changing. i so appreciate and love you for all your prayers.

      Delete
  2. Don't you love Jesus Calling? I read it every day. It is so encouraging. :)

    ReplyDelete

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