heart abandoned.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

in this week rests...
awakening & anxiousness.
hope & hurt.
faith & disbelief.
sweetness & bitterness.

these polar opposite feelings have caused me to stir and examine my heart, my motives, my entire being.  on march 29th i came to the realization that Jesus rarely comes where we expect Him, but rather comes in the most illogical situations/ surprise visits.  reading luke 12:40 i was inspired to watch for Jesus in the moments i least expect... to have a wonderment about my life... to look at it as if i was a child experience this awesome God for the very first time.

so i waited.
i watched.
i ignored.
i missed it.

i realized i ignored the beauty of what God was intending for me to learn.

i became anxious.  hurt.  bitterness set in heart.  disbelief began to be rooted in my soul.

i waited.
i watched.
i ignored it.
i missed it.

but how could i have missed it?  was i not looking hard enough?  was i ignorant to the things that were surrounding me?

so it hit me.  like a ton of bricks.  in the form of a song.

i'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned.
in awe of the one who gave it all.
i'll stand my soul Lord to you surrendered.
all i am is yours.

i had missed the point of watching for God in small moments.  in the crevices of life.  i was too busy trying to see God work in the ways i wanted him to work.  i forgot to stand still.  lift my open hands and heart to him.  abandon my own desires.  and stand in awe.  surrender my soul.  give him me.  and then watch him move.  because when i did that, i saw an awakening, hope, faith & a sweetness that i had missed completely.  in the moment of surrender, God answered my deepest prayer of the last few weeks.  to hear a small word from our adoption agency.  a simple phone call.  it determined what we felt God had in store for us with our adoption.  so now i wait again.  but i do it completely different.  i do it with the spirit that God has given to me.

i needed to surrender.  my reminder came at a price.  a price i obviously needed to learn.  a payment i needed to make.  i am sure i will need a reminder i am bound to receive again.  but in this moment, the beauty of it is so great.

1 comment:

  1. This is so beautiful, Summer. Surrender is the very best place to be. :)


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