this time.

Monday, March 21, 2011

me & my pops

two years ago this was the last day...
i took my dad shopping for a little present for my sister.
i spent the last day with my dad.
i ate tito's tacos with my dad.
i lay on the couch watching tv with my dad.
i had a heart to heart with my dad.
i laughed in person with my dad.
it was the last time i hugged my dad.
it was the last time i kissed my dad.

ash & her papa at ryan & rachels wedding 2008

tonight i laid on my bed with my daughter...
i cried with her because she asked why i don't celebrate my birthday.
she was sad because i was not going to celebrate it.
i told her we could have cupcakes for the day.
i don't celebrate it (it's thrusday) because it is the last time i spoke with my dad before he died 2 days later.  todd says i talked with him the day before he died, but i don't remember.
she sobbed (i have never seen her cry like this before)... real grown up tears.
she cried because she missed her papa.
their relationship far surpassed any relationship i think he had.
they were extraordinary.
it was my sister in law(who has been my rock emotionally these past few years) that helped me realize it.

two years ago today i walked away from my pops... watching him as i made the final pass by his living room window... wondering if that was the last time i would see him alive.   not knowing if it would be or not.   & this is the day that i have the most honest conversation about my dad with my 8 year old daughter.  my heart was broken, yet rejoiced all at the same time.


  1. birthdays are the worst when you lose a parent.
    this hit me to the heart.
    hang in there.

  2. Ohhhhh...tears. I think if he were still here, he would want you to celebrate it. God chose that day for you, rejoice and be glad in it.
    ~ I am SO sorry for your loss, it will be 3 years for me July 23rd.
    Hugs & blessings to you <3

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  4. Summer, I cannot begin to know the raw heartache that still returns to the surface when times remind you of how much you miss your wonderful dad. At the same time, I encourage you to celebrate as he celebrated the day you were born. God used him to bring you life. Try to look to that day as a joy. What if you had not had so many wonderful memories on your birthday before he died...think of all that you would have missed. Celebrate him. Celebrate you.
    We do. Build happy memories around this day that your kids will take with them as they get older. It comes every year. How do you want them to remember it? How about full of wonderful memories of their mom and a papa who was awesome...

  5. Love you Sum. I wish I could be there to give you a big hug. You mean the world to me and so did your Dad. I have been so blessed by your family.


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