gray skies swirled with sunshine.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

sometimes i get into this place.  it seems to be a dark place.  a place where two things dwell (my view of reality & my nature as a realist).  realist is my term for what people call cynical.  i prefer to use the realist term because i see the reality of life, if it happens to be cynical... that is just a side note.  i am not sure what has brought on my thoughts this afternoon.  it could simply be i am pondering my life far from what i have ever really know.  it has been almost 6 months since we adventured here to oregon.  it has been a different road.  not a bad one.  people assume i am having a hard time when i say 'i am getting used to the weather'.  i mean seriously... i have to get used to it, yes it is going to be hard, i am from so. cal... i am getting used to it because where i come from, rain doesn't.  

i am not a black & white type person.  i usually see things in shades of gray... swirled with yellow (my happiness).  what works for one person does not have to work for me.  there are opinions freely given as to how i should be.  sometimes i still feel like that 7 year old who is told to do something & because they are simply told to do it, they go and do just the opposite to see what happens.  i don't usually do this... i am not a ruffle the feathers type of person.  but i want to most times.  maybe it is to get a reaction of people.  maybe it is to push the limits.  or maybe it is simply who i really am.  just me.

i am a fighter.  i fight for what i want.  in the good way.  if you are my friend, i will fight for you.  there are a few people that i will fight to the death for.  even if they are wrong.  i will still fight.  i have lost friends because they talked bad about my brother.  backed my sister up when she is clearly in the wrong.  decided i could not be friends with a particular person because they were hurtful to katy.  these people love me because of how i am.  accepting who i am.  me.

i am an individual.  i am compassionate.  i am fearfully & wonderfully made (psalm 139:14)... a verse from a passage my wonderful sister-in-law read to myself & my sister the night my dad died.

so here's to gray skies swirled with sunshine.

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