missing.

Monday, June 7, 2010

{my oh so young pops surfing in huntington/ manhattan}

often i search things that i think are missing from my life. things i want to have in place and things that should be there. lately i have been thinking about my dad. how missing him in my life hurts so deeply. i have plead with God to give me one more day with him. just a day to talk. to get his hugs. to tell him things i am doing. to get his wonderful advise. then i think... i would never let him go again. how can i lose him a second time. it would be so much harder to let go a second time. i don't think it would be physically or emotionally possible to release him back to heaven. being a little dream (knowing it to be completely impossible), i will sit and wonder what i would talk about. what i would say to him given one more day. i don't think i would say anything... i would let him talk. & talk. & talk. since that does not seem possible at the moment {nor do i think he would want to come back}, i am resting in the fact that i will have to have the dad size hole in my life. not wanting to lose him again. i let go.

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