doubt showed up... so did Jesus.

Friday, April 24, 2015



Just when doubt entered, God seems to once again show up.

My earnestness of prayer has deepened significantly.  It has become a necessary, priceless time that I spend with Jesus.  It has began to shift my view as to how deeply I hear and am able to communicate with God.  The simplicity of my change is to simply sit and listen.  To widen my heart and soul to simply hear God.  To hear what He choses to reveal in my heart and soul... in the quiet moments of great beauty and preciousness of our relationship, a deepening and desperation is happening.  In those quick times of revelation, it catches my breath and I sense freedom.

After feeling utterly defeated last week when we found out that our referral could, and had a strong possibility that it would take up to 12 months, I began to pray and ask for peace, and maybe some understanding.  Even the smallest tinge of understanding.  I sat in silence and heard nothing.

Doubt set in.
My heart sank.
I questioned our adoption.
Still asking for peace, understanding and now assurance.
Because I was doubting.
Was this what we were supposed to do?  Adopt again?

On Tuesday, during my morning of quiet listening prayer, I worked up the courage to boldly pray for our adoption.  More specific, the fundraising part of our adoption.  How do you ask for help when things seem so far off?  How do you ask people to come along side of you and ask them to help you fund something when you will not hear any news for about another year?  How could we fundraise with this extremely hard timeline?  {once you start fundraising... everyone asks if you have heard anything & my heart was hurting}.

So I prayed and asked God what were we supposed to do with this next step, very specifically asking if we were to make our fundraising efforts known to others.  What God showed me was SO CLEAR.

I heard, "No.  Pray."

It's difficult knowing exactly when I made peace with our new timeline.  I suppose it was shortly after I was told about the referral wait time, realizing that there is nothing we can do to make things go any differently, nor is there anything our agency can do to change this timeline.  Even as I type this, there is doubt swirling around in my head and heart.  My heart aches at the time that we will spend apart from our daughter who we will not know her face for another 12 months.

I continued to pray for an affirmation of hope.

Then an affirmation came in the form of a monetary blessing.  It was a late night email check.  The simple words "new donation received" from our Adopt Together account.  My heart felt weary.  For reasons I cannot describe.  We are not even that far into the process and I was weary.  That even bothered me.  That I was feeling weary.  Opening the email, I sat in SHOCK.  UTTER SHOCK.  I thought I read the email wrong.  I asked my bigs to read the amount to me.

More SHOCK.
I sat lifeless.

How could I have doubted what God had called us to do?
How could I have questioned the timing of all these things?
Was my faith so small that I had to have something this big happen?

Todd was in an elders meeting, so I texted him a screen shot of the email.  SHOCK.

I texted my sister-in-law, the greatest prayer warrior, and she respond with this: "This is so encouraging.  Obviously God wants Elf [side note: Levi wanted to name her Elf, after watching Elf at Christmas... thus the name.  It is now what my sister-in-law and I refer to her as] home, and it solidifies that God provides during fundraising."

God wants her home.  As Todd put it, that donation is a game changer for us.  He wants her home.

After sharing the good news with my dear friend Kara, I got this back: "God sees you and hears you.  He sees your daughter and hears her too!!"

He hears her.  He knows what she is dreaming, thinking, and holding inside.  Oh how my heart broke into a million tiny pieces.  Todd told me, when I began to doubt, that she needs us to fight for her.  We are fighting for our daughter.  She is waiting for us.

God gave me this verse this morning.  Exodus 14:14, "The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent."  (Lets just marvel at the silent part for a moment.  Such a beautiful affirmation of my hearing what God clearly was communicating.)  This verse will mark the journey towards our girl.  He is fighting.  He is fighting for her.

Click on our ADOPT TOGETHER.  Count the zeros for yourself.  This is the second time we have had a large sum of money anonymously donated... so thankful that I just found out that Adopt Together will pass along a thank you note for me.

Adoption is a BEAUTIFUL MESS... and completely written by Jesus!



the heart of winter: survival.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

my heart does not know where to begin.
i have pondered and thought through this post for months.
perhaps years.

but it is now i bravely share where i am and where i am living and growing through.  i are deeply imbedded in winter.  not a winter of weather, but a winter of suffering.  hurting.  aching.  it is not depression, but a heart that is aching for something else.  something different.  something to change.  a heart that is wild and raw; a heart of winter that would seem to be all-consuming and never-ending.

mark buchanan, in his book spiritual rhythm, describes winter as the absence of light, God, friends.  i have profoundly felt the void of these things.  i felt the presence of darkness, the silence of God, the absence of trusted community.  in that void, that abandonment, i have suffered.  i have wept.  i have hurt.  i have lost hope.  i have longed.  i have ached for change.  it has felt all-consuming and never-ending.  and recently, it has purpose.

did you read that?
my winter has a purpose.
it has a purpose in my heart.
soul.
mind.
strength.
it always has had purpose.
and now i see it.
vaguely.

"i believe every heartache and hardship, and the profound loneliness such things bring, has a back door.  they allow us enter into a communion with Christ we don't usually experience in our days of ease and song.  most of us have had our deepest encounters with Christ not on mountaintops, but in valley floors." spiritual rhythm on being in winter

in an effort to be authentic, i admit that this journey has been years.  it has been a dark and desolate time and for me and it is not over.  i am on my valley floor.  on my knees.  looking up.  begging God to change things.  begging God to make himself abundantly present in my life.  to speak into my life with purpose.

everyone experiences a desolate time in their lives.  it is harsh and hard, but it is a time where we deeply grow in our faith.  it is where we encounter God in such a beautiful way.  where our growth is beautiful.  where we find a passion for Christ.  where we are refined and redirected.  where we consider what God has for our lives.  it changes who we are and who we are called to be.  it draws us deeply into communion with who God is and who he is calling us to be.  but lets not forget it is painful and often we do not listen.

i do no hear God.
i break my silence.
even when God does not.
it is this brokenness that shapes me.
and i strive to listen.

it is muffled, but in my listening & am hearing Gods whisper.  i am seeing direction and an understanding of what it means to walk well in the midst of "winter".  my winter stands firm, it does not waver, but i am working desperately to do things differently, understanding the pureness that prayer brings is key in my growth in my faith, that waiting has a beautiful purpose, and that this time in my life will only bring a deeper growth that no other season can bring.  it is now that my faith is being built because of sheer desperation that can only come in these moments of refinement.

it is now and only now that i am beginning to see the blessing that comes from a time like this.

"those who sow with tears shall reap with joyful shouting." psalm 126:5

while i await my joyful shouting, i will continue to be pruned with a flood of tears, i will prayerfully seek Jesus, looking up from my val



ley, knowing that God has given me a way out.  or he will give me a way out.  but until that time, i am learning.

learning deeply to find joy.
to look for it.
to seek it out.
to share that with other people.

because when my winter is over, i want to shout it from the top of the mountain.  scream it from the top of the mountain.  i cannot wait until that time.  but for now... i survive.  however, i want to speak truth so that when my heart heals and God changes things for us, i can shout joyfully the top of the mountains as the psalmist says.  so that i may live authentically before others in my life.  to share life with others because life is a beautiful mess.



auction closed.

Friday, March 6, 2015

Auction
Closed.

doTerra Physicians Kit: Sandy Clark

please remember this is an adoption fundraising auction.  we are working hard at trying to raise the funds we need to make our haitian adoption happen.  


SANDY CLARK


Physicians Kit
The Family Physician® Kit is a collection of ten nurturing essential oils, including six single oils and four blends. 

Includes 5 mL Essential Oils: Lavender, Lemon, Peppermint, Melaleuca, Oregano, Frankincense, Deep Blue®, Breathe, DigestZen®, and On Guard to help families address a multitude of health issues.


retail value: $125



CLOSED

glory print: Jones Design Group

please remember this is an adoption fundraising auction.  we are working hard at trying to raise the funds we need to make our haitian adoption happen.  


JONES DESIGN GROUP
 shop 



11x14 print

retail: $32
value: $25


closed

bonjou bangles: Noonday with Stephanie Nunes

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

please remember this is an adoption fundraising auction.  we are working hard at trying to raise the funds we need to make our haitian adoption happen.  


STEPH NUNES
 ambassador for Noonday Collections

blog | shop 


Embellished with colorful leather and festive fringe, these upcycled bangles are sure to make you smile every time you put them on.
2.6" in diameter
upcycled metal & leather

CLOSED

single tag: Lisa Leonard Designs

please remember this is an adoption fundraising auction.  we are working hard at trying to raise the funds we need to make our haitian adoption happen.  


lisa leonard
shop 

 single tag necklace

{sterling silver}

Each dainty sterling tag is cut, filed, hand-stamped, polished and drilled. Choose a word or name that carries meaning to you. Maximum 9 characters. It's strung on a sterling chain with a freshwater pearl. Simply beautiful.
customize this sweet necklace as well.
i cannot get over how simply beautiful this necklace is.

CLOSED

handmade home book: A Beautiful Mess

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

please remember this is an adoption fundraising auction.  we are working hard at trying to raise the funds we need to make our haitian adoption happen.  


A BEAUTIFUL MESS
blog 

these sweet girls inspire me deeply.  i am in love with their book Happy Handmade Home and they graciously have donated this to our auction.  if you have not yet picked it up, you now can join our auction and get yourself a copy & help bring our girl home from haiti.  sounds like a win-win to me.  i promise this book will not disappoint.  

they have inspired me to step out of the notion of perfection and live in the beauty that creating something beautiful can hold.  i will share my newest project, taken from their inspiring book soon.  i am in love with how it is turning out.

watch for my DIY from this book this week.

CLOSED

petite original: Lisa Leonard Designs

please remember this is an adoption fundraising auction.  we are working hard at trying to raise the funds we need to make our haitian adoption happen.  


lisa leonard

 petite original

{sterling silver}


Simply gorgeous! These petite charms are hand-molded and cast in precious sterling silver. Stamp these charms with a meaningful name or word. Choose colorful fresh cut birthstones to make it even more meaningful. Starting price includes one charm and one birthstone. Charms are strung from sterling silver link chain. This necklace is also the perfect gift for a little lady. Classic and full of meaning! 
customize a petite original necklace.
how adorable is this necklace?  it has always been one of my favorites.



  
CLOSED

open circle: Lisa Leonard Designs

please remember this is an adoption fundraising auction.  we are working hard at trying to raise the funds we need to make our haitian adoption happen.  


lisa leonard

open circle necklace

necklace {sterling silver}


Classic and absolutely stunning! The open circle necklace is hand-molded, cast in sterling silver and hand-stamped with your precious names or phrase. The charm is strung on sterling link chain and finished with a cream freshwater pearl. Both sides can be customized to make it truly one of a kind! It’s sure to be an every day favorite!
customize this amazing necklace as well.  
this is one of my all time favorite classic LLD necklaces.

CLOSED

custom watercolor painting 8x10: joyfully ruined

please remember this is an adoption fundraising auction.  we are working hard at trying to raise the funds we need to make our haitian adoption happen. 

JOYFULLY RUINED
 shop

this is a creation of your choice.  
you choose the colors.
the script style & layout.

there are limitations as to the length of the script i am able to create. 
it needs to be able to fit & still look amazing.


CLOSED

spirit lead me: Beth Cupitt Art


please remember this is an adoption fundraising auction.  we are working hard at trying to raise the funds we need to make our haitian adoption happen. 

Beth Cupitt
beth cupitt art
shop | instagram

spirit lead me 
beth did this hoop design specific for our auction.  her talent astounds me deeply.  please head over to her shop and check out her work.  it is beyond beautiful.



CLOSED



tetris cuff: Amber Cok Noonday


please remember this is an adoption fundraising auction.  we are working hard at trying to raise the funds we need to make our haitian adoption happen.  

AMBER COK
NOONDAY 
shop 

tetris cuff
want to know something cool about this piece? 
you cannot get it anymore.
how awesome is that?
but you can get it here.

CLOSED

polka dot wallet: The Ruffled Stitch

please remember this is an adoption fundraising auction.  we are working hard at trying to raise the funds we need to make our haitian adoption happen.  

THE RUFFLED STITCH
 shop 

can you even handle how amazing this cute little wallet is?

CLOSED

photograpy session: Mallory Kappmeyer


please remember this is an adoption fundraising auction.  we are working hard at trying to raise the funds we need to make our haitian adoption happen.  

IDAHO FALLS AREA FRIENDS...
THIS ONE IS SPECIAL.
JUST FOR YOU.

MALLORY KAPPMEYER

Mallory has donated her time and her amazing talent.
simply amazing.  i have already asked her to do our photos in the summer.
she is donating an hour/ two and 30-50 edits.
that is a huge amount... y'all.  you need pictures.  they are beautiful memories.
iphone photos don't count.
you need the real deal.
here is your chance.


CLOSED

go into the world pendant necklace: The Little Lighthouse

please remember this is an adoption fundraising auction.  we are working hard at trying to raise the funds we need to make our haitian adoption happen.  

THE LITTLE LIGHTHOUSE

Regions 2 Pendant - (Africa - Europe - Middle East - Asia)

Pendant bezel measures 1.5" in diameter and includes a beautiful 32" vintage style necklace with a lobster-style clasp. Longer/shorter necklaces are also available upon request. Pendants and chains are composed of a nickel-free alloy.

Image is designed by mThe Little Lighthouse,  printed out on high quality matte paper and secured under a clear glass dome that magnifies and protects the image.

how sweet it this little design?  

CLOSED

proverbs 31:28 pendant: The Little Lighthouse


please remember this is an adoption fundraising auction.  we are working hard at trying to raise the funds we need to make our haitian adoption happen.  


THE LITTLE LIGHTHOUSE
Pendant bezel measures 1.5" in diameter and includes a beautiful 32" vintage style necklace with a lobster-style clasp. Longer/shorter necklaces are also available upon request. Pendants and chains are composed of a nickel-free alloy.

Image is designed by The Little Lighthouse, printed out on high quality matte paper and secured under a clear glass dome that magnifies and protects the image.


CLOSED


silver creek net: Snake River Net Company

please remember this is an adoption fundraising auction.  we are working hard at trying to raise the funds we need to make our haitian adoption happen.  


SNAKE RIVER NET COMPANY

Snake River Net Company makes handmade wood nets. These nets are crafted from exotic hardwoods from around the world. These nets are not only beautiful but constructed with the finest quality to last a lifetime. Snake River Net Company started crafting nets in 2011 and has developed a design that is not only beautiful, but functional.  The craftsman behind these beautiful nets is a man by the name of Mike Avery.  He has such a gift for craftsmanship... and is truly one of the nicest guys I have ever met.  
I honestly am so impressed with the beauty of the net.  


made of walnut, cherry walnut & insert handle made of beech.  




CLOSED

darling handmade doll: Meme & Pearl


please remember this is an adoption fundraising auction.  we are working hard at trying to raise the funds we need to make our haitian adoption happen.  

MEME & PEARL
i just have to share with you what it says in her shop... because she introduces herself beautifully.

Hello! Welcome to my sweet little shop! I love creating dolls and other sewn items for the people you care about. For every doll that is bought from my shop, I donate a doll to a local charity called CASA. They provide help and support to abused and neglected children. With every purchase, you are bringing comfort and love to a child you care about and one that could really use a friend. What could be better than that?!

seriously?  what could be better than that?  


is donating a doll that is already created of your choice.  here are two of my favorites that she has listed in her shop right now. aren't they the cutest little things ever?  



CLOSED




wild & free: On Briarwood Lane


please remember this is an adoption fundraising auction.  we are working hard at trying to raise the funds we need to make our haitian adoption happen.  


ON BRIARWOOD LANE

Wild & Free! This beautiful 6" wooden vintage hoop is embroidered with various wildflowers and colors onto white cotton fabric. Letters are in a dark green gray. Mounted and completed with a protective felt backing.
CLOSED

give your life away t-shirt: Mercy Ink

please remember this is an adoption fundraising auction.  we are working hard at trying to raise the funds we need to make our haitian adoption happen.  


MERCY INK
shop 


you could get this fabulous t-shirt for yourself.  i mean seriously... isn't it amazing.


CLOSED

love makes a family: The Sign Cafe

please remember this is an adoption fundraising auction.  we are working hard at trying to raise the funds we need to make our haitian adoption happen.  


THE SIGN CAFE
shop 

color selections available.

CLOSED

places we've been world map: The Sign Cafe

please remember this is an adoption fundraising auction.  we are working hard at trying to raise the funds we need to make our haitian adoption happen.  

THE SIGN CAFE

color selections available.

CLOSED

come thou fount: Lindsay Letters

Monday, March 2, 2015

please remember this is an adoption fundraising auction.  we are working hard at trying to raise the funds we need to make our haitian adoption happen.  

LINDSAY LETTERS
 shop 

come thou fount
i never grew up singing hymns.  this was one of the first hymns i was introduced too.  it is also one of my favorites.

retail value: $20
starting bid: $15
CLOSED

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